Toni's Story

Kia ora and hello,

My name is Toni and I was adopted at the age of two and a half in New Zealand, after being in and out of foster care, my mum and family’s care, and the care of my birth mum’s friends. My adoptive mum dreamt of having a baby and building a half-round barn next to the beach (and that’s what she did). She met me after dating my grandad (weird, I know) and becoming friends with my aunties and uncles. One of my aunties, who is considered the matriarch of our family, cultivated the relationship between my adoptive mum and me.

My birth mum had a traumatic upbringing and also suffered from mental illness. However, despite her difficulties, she was a kind, caring and funny person. It was an open adoption, but in fact it was so much more than that. She would visit us, we would visit her, there were letters and phone calls, which I’m so grateful for because I grew up knowing who I was and where I came from.

My adoptive mum helped me track down my birth father when I was eleven years old; however, we don’t have much of a relationship. I have three half-brothers as well.

Both of my mums have since passed away, and while the dynamic between them (and sometimes me) was not always easy, they loved me, I loved them, and they both shaped me into the woman I am today. I’ll always be so grateful for that.

During the past five years, I’ve pondered my birth mum’s upbringing and trauma as well as my own (most of which I don’t remember but am aware of). I’ve also started to unpack where some of my self-limiting beliefs have come from, after a lot of personal growth and development.

I’ve started my own podcast called Manaaki Mindset on Podbean, with the first four episodes exploring my own adoption story.

I would love to eventually interview other adoptees and adoptive parents in the near future. It’s about providing a platform so others can share their stories and giving them a voice, which I believe is so important.

I appreciate every person who has shared their story here.

Ngā mihi,