Michael's Story

I was adopted at about 9 months old, having lived in foster care up to that point. I was a summer of 1959 love child. Born on Mother’s Day in 1960. My adoptive parents were open about the adoption to a point. I was born in Kansas.

It took me until I was in my mid-forties to start the journey to learning more about what my birth history was and who my birth parents were. Kansas has an open adoption record law. So I was easily able to get a copy of my original birth certificate, not the redacted one my adoptive parents gave me.

I have an adopted sister and natural birth sister as well. I have many mixed emotions about this whole discovery process. Unfortunately, by the time I came to grips with exploring my adoption, my birth mother was suffering from memory loss issues. She passed away a few years ago. I never had the opportunity to be able to meet her.

I did meet a half-sister and her family and exchanged many emails. I also learned who my birth father was and sent the hardest letter I’ve ever had to write to him. He eventually responded. He knew nothing about my existence and what had happened to my birth mother.

Both he and my birth mother were attending college in a big city, and both were from a small Midwest town. When my birth mother found out she was pregnant with me, her family sent her to an unwed mothers home to live through her pregnancy term. After she gave birth, I was immediately taken away from her.

My half-sister said she told her two kids about me and it being one of the saddest things she’d ever had to do. I had a half-brother who passed away from cancer in 2012. I never got to meet him or any of his family. My half-sister gave me a picture of both of them.

It’s uncanny how much my birth mother looks like my adoptive mom. While I have talked to my biological father twice, we have never met in person. For me, this has been a 20-plus-year process to work through reaching out for potential contact. It’s a stone once turned over that can’t ever be put back. Maybe that’s why continued contact and communication has ground almost to a halt.

I have shared photos and greetings around holidays, but have never received any in return. That’s been the disappointing part of all this. My wife and I have 2 grown boys and 4 grandchildren. I’ve been open and honest with all about my past.

I also feel at times that family members really aren’t as interested or into the history and factual information concerning me. That’s also been a disappointment for me. I’m not sure how or where to continue to try and connect. I have reached out to my birth father and indicated that I would be interested in meeting him someday. He’s in his eighties, so his life expectancy is probably toward the end of his life.

Both of my adoptive parents have passed away. My adoptive father in his sixties and adoptive mother in her eighties.

I’m now in my sixties. The clock continues to move forward. I saw this group and felt that sharing my history in print might be partially therapeutic. We shall see.

I continue to be hopeful maybe one day I can meet more of my family tree. Time will tell.

As an update to what has occurred since writing this article originally, I found a wonderful research librarian in a small Midwest town who was extremely helpful and had tools and information to produce results I had never seen before. She sent me high school yearbook pictures for both of my birth parents.

I also have used Ancestry to fill in a much more complete family tree. It’s a work in progress. I still have not met my birth father or anyone from his family, but have pictures of him and other family members now.