Benson Friesen's Story

I was adopted at age 7 by a Mennonite pacifist family in Winnipeg, MB, Canada. Frostbitten fingers and a 63-day stay in the hospital because of what was happening at home made my removal from my biological family necessary. Where did my siblings go, I wondered as I grew up? Why did no one visit me at the hospital? Feeling misunderstood all the time was difficult.

I got married at age 27. I wanted someone from my biological family to be there on this day. I did my search. Adoptees, take all the time you need when you do this. I found out too much information, too quickly, over a weekend. My bio dad was in a wheelchair on the patio at the care home he resided at. I went in through the patio gate. As soon as he saw me, tears welled up in his eyes. No words had been spoken. He knew right away who I was.

At work on Monday, I was unable to do the simplest of tasks working on aircraft engines. I should not have been at work that day. I was flown out to Vancouver to meet two bio brothers and my bio mom. My bio mom could not deal with my presence, and it was a very cold response from her. Four or five-minute chats about the weather type of stuff, after all these years of me being gone. These were our only conversations until she passed. I resent her to this day. I realize she had a very hard life, but I still disliked how she treated me after finding her.

My bio mom, bio dad, and bio brothers were at my wedding. Second time meeting most of them. I was now juggling my time between my adoptive family and my reunited bio one. Always watching what I say with each group. Feeling hurt when my bio side talked about old memories I was not a part of. I should have been there, I thought to myself.

My adoptive parents earned my parents title, yet did not understand me. I cannot talk to them about adoption. They feel hurt if I remotely question the adoption process, like I am not appreciative of them adopting me. No, this is not the issue. I did have a bio family that I lost, no fault of my own. Should I just pretend my bio past and family never existed? I, too, may be a little hurt by all of this.

I have always had to deal with anger issues and ended up divorced. I was determined to learn from my mistakes and not jump into another relationship. Two long years passed before I dated again. My adoptive parents would ask me what I wanted for my birthday or Christmas. I would tell them, “an understanding wife!” I met Pam, and she fulfilled my wish. We married and have a wonderful daughter, who is 18.

I am currently 57 (Dec. 2025) years old and am more content with my past. My healing process began when I started reading adoption books. I was not alone. Yesterday, They Took My Baby by the cartoonist Ben Wicks was good for me to read. It explains all of the points of view of the adoption triangle: adoptees, adoptive parents, and the biological families. I would highlight things I agreed with in this book.

I am in regular contact with two bio brothers and nephews. When I am with them, I am the most comfortable.

One last point that will probably shock most of you reading this. Remember I mentioned earlier how I had been working on engines? Well, there was a guy who my work wanted to place with someone to shadow with. Watch me work, see what it is all about. Jamie was placed with me out of 1200 possible employees. Who is Jamie, you might ask? He was the nephew of my stepdad who treated all of us kids very badly. Small world! Jamie had no idea all this had happened and was very mad with his dad that he was not told about his and his brother’s past.

I am episode 148 on the podcast Who Am I… Really? by Damon Davis on FB if people want to know more about my adoption experience.