“Memories of my life prior to my adoption come in the form of familiarities…”

Twenty years ago today, at four years old, my Ukrainian adoption was finalized. With every adoption, there’s a story and an awaited journey…

“As an adoptee, I came from trauma that delayed me developmentally and little did I know how much it would impact me for the rest of my life. After years of unknowns regarding my past and unanswered questions, I’ve come to identify that these are a few factors that have contributed to my learning struggles and setbacks that I still face today: Prenatal trauma, premature birth, malnourishment, institutionalization, language barriers, and developmental delays…”

Calm. Peaceful. Untroubled.

What still seems like a fairy tale in my mere imagination, I attempt to convey this reality from my faded memory. I was initially guarded at the mention of you. Yet what was once the great divide of my own fear and love for you became the very thing that we shared in common whether you realized this or not. Chaos bore beauty in the making...

There are no clear words to convey my deep sorrow and grief over this Crisis between Ukraine and Russia…The Ukrainian soil I walked on as a child had become a Pro-Russian separatist region of Ukraine… The place I took pride in, is the very enemy to my birth family of strong Russian roots…

The age-old question of nature vs. nurture has been a prevalent question in my life as an adoptee. I grew up with very little connection to my roots and many unknowns about my history (biologically and environmentally). Despite my many questions and longing for answers, I have come to find that even answered questions can often lead to more unanswered questions…

I have no recollection of what my first attachment was, except for this teddy bear. When my parents adopted me at 4 years old, they gave me this as a gift, my first personal belonging. I don’t remember being given it. It was not a bribe but certainly carried a lot of love.

This is the question I ask myself often now. I was born in Eastern Ukraine in 1998 and then was adopted from there at 4 yrs. Old. Eastern Ukrainians often speak Russian but can understand Ukrainian as well.

I had recently been asked to speak on my story at an orphan care ministry at a local church and decided to use this as an opportunity to share my journey and perspective as an adoptee, as well as, a chance to inform adoptive and foster families about an array of various perspectives amongst adoptees that I’ve witnessed ever since adoptees started connecting online.

I bought this necklace as a gift to myself, as a reminder, and as a message with a meaning behind it that I’d like to share more of. Ever since I was adopted from Ukraine at four years old, people referred to me as Kati and my Ukrainian name was Americanized to this shortened form of Katarina. Taking this common name as my own was normalized for me.

There are many reasons why we as people make the many decisions that we do. As adoptees, some choose to search for their birth families and others choose not to or to only go so far in the process. Sometimes adoptees choose to reconnect with only certain aspects of their roots, while for others, what was left in the shadows is brought to light unexpectedly.

As a Ukrainian adoptee, I grew up in a loving family ever since I was adopted at four years old. I don’t have many clear memories growing up in the orphanage, but more will be shared about my adoption and years prior to being adopted in another diary entry.