Why I Stopped Trying to Speak for Adoption
What if many adoption disagreements begin because people are talking about entirely different experiences? As an adoptee, I learned that my story is only one of many realities that exist under the word adoption.
What if many adoption disagreements begin because people are talking about entirely different experiences? For a long time, I thought understanding my adoption story meant understanding adoption itself. After all, I was adopted. I lived it every day. Who would know more about adoption than someone who had experienced it firsthand?
Then I started listening to other adoptees.
Some described experiences that sounded remarkably similar to mine. Others described experiences that felt completely foreign. Some spoke about gratitude. Others spoke about loss. Some searched for biological family members. Others had no interest. Some grew up connected to their culture of origin. Others spent years trying to reclaim it. The more stories I heard, the more I began to realize something. Adoption is often discussed as though it is one experience. Yet the word itself covers an enormous range of realities. A newborn adoption is not the same as a kinship adoption. An international adoption is not the same as a stepparent adoption. An open adoption is not the same as a closed one. Even when two people share the same type of adoption, their experiences can still be vastly different.
What surprised me most was not that our experiences differed. What surprised me was how often we were all discussing adoption while talking about entirely different realities. The more I listened, the more I realized something important: I can speak for my adoption, but I cannot speak for adoption. That realization did not weaken my perspective. It strengthened it.
It forced me to approach adoption with more curiosity and less certainty. Instead of asking whether adoption is good or bad, I became more interested in understanding why people arrive at such different conclusions in the first place. Today, I still share my story. I still write about adoption. I still advocate for adoptees and adoptive families. But I try to do so with the understanding that my experience is one story among many.
Perhaps that is one of the most important lessons adoption has taught me. The goal is not to find one voice that speaks for everyone. The goal is to create enough room for many voices to be heard.
Wilson Munsterman
Wilson Munsterman is a passionate advocate, speaker, and writer who brings a unique perspective to the conversation on adoption. Born in China and adopted into an American family as an infant, Wilson grew up navigating the questions, experiences, and opportunities that come with being an adoptee. His journey shaped both his personal outlook and his desire to help others understand adoption more deeply and authentically.
